Competitive Suffering

Two months in the hospital with our sick daughter…

Beeping machines, sterile smells, constant fear in the air. Living in a tiny room, our world shrinking to the size of a hospital bed.

Trying to juggle being a parent, a partner, and somehow process the wave of emotions crashing over me. Fear, self pity, exhaustion…it was relentless

Then, I'd walk down the hallway... 

I'd see the kids on the oncology ward, bald and pale. 

Their little faces etched with a kind of pain no child should ever know. 

Parents holding onto hope, sleeping on chairs, their lives completely upended.

Suddenly, my own fear, my own exhaustion, felt... selfish. 

How could I complain about the endless waiting, the sleepless nights, when these families were facing battles so much bigger?

I focused on being strong for my daughter, for my partner, trying to be the 'rock' holding it all together. Pushing down every emotion, believing my feelings were insignificant compared to what others were going through.

Walking out of those hospital doors, two months later, I was empty.  How do I begin to process what I'd been through after convincing myself that I wasn't allowed to feel anything at all?

You know that feeling? Where you think, 'My stuff doesn't matter, other people have it worse?’

Here's what I've learned:

The feeling that your pain ‘doesn’t count’ because others have it worse is called comparative suffering.

It comes from a well meaning place. We want to acknowledge the hardships of others and avoid feeling selfish or self-absorbed. 

But here’s the thing: 

Minimizing your feelings doesn’t lessen anyone else’s pain.

It just invalidates your own. 

Emotions aren’t a competition. There’s no gold medal for “worst hardship”.

Denying your own pain creates a cycle of overwhelm and disconnection leaving you feeling drained and unable to effectively be there for others.

Processing your own emotions isn’t selfish—it’s essential.

Suppressed emotions will eventually surface as burnout, bitterness, or disconnection.

Here's what works for me:

Stop Judging Your Emotions.

Give yourself permission to feel—no qualifiers, no comparisons, no minimizing.

Your feelings matter. Honoring them doesn’t reduce your ability to support others—it strengthens it. 

You don’t have to earn the right to your emotions. They’re valid simply because they’re yours.

By honoring what you’re feeling, you create space to heal, grow, and show up for others in a way that’s grounded and true.

Through all the tough weeks, whether big or small, you deserve to be seen and have your feelings validated…

Even if it's just by you.

Work With Me

Steve Braun

Call or Text: 778.932.1978

Email: stevebraun78@gmail.com 

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About the Author:  Steve currently resides in the sunny Okanagan in British Columbia Canada where he spends his free time camping at remote lakes chasing monster rainbow trout with a flyrod.